December 20, 2011

A Good Left Hook Has No Gender

Hernia (from “Hagar the Horrible” cartoon): “You’re being bullied by Mary Lou Olsen?!!”

 Hamlet: (SIGH) “Yes.”

 Hernia: “But she’s a GIRL!!”

 Hamlet: “A good left hook has no gender.”

 I would love to upload Chris Browne’s cartoon that accompanied this dialogue, since it’s a perfect match for Bully at Ambush Corner, but the rights are owned by the King Features Syndicate, so I would have to pay for even a one-time use. However, I believe the words alone get the point across. These days, a good left hook absolutely knows no gender.

 When I was young, boys were the main instigators of physical bullying. Girls were mean, but they seldom resorted to fisticuffs. That no longer seems to be true. According to James Garbarino, Ph.D., in his book See Jane Hit: Why Girls Are Growing More Violent and What We Can Do About It, twenty-five years ago, ten boys were arrested for assault for every one girl. Now that ratio is four-to-one and dropping.

 A quick search of on-line videos brought up plenty of examples of physical violence between girls, of which the following are representative. If you have a soft heart or a weak stomach, don’t watch.

Mother Encourages Daughter to Fight

Two Girls Catfight

Girls Fight in School

Could you imagine discovering your daughter in one of these, on either the receiving or the giving end? Of course, if you’re the mother in the first video, you encouraged the fight. No comment.  Who’s worse?  (Not including the sicko mother.) The fisticuffers, the bystanders egging them on, or those who record and post the violence for the world to see?

When my generation rallied behind equal rights for women, we didn’t argue for the right to join the men in their level of violence. It makes me sad. But back then, the Golden Rule was posted prominently on every classroom wall. Did it make us more peaceful? Who knows? All I know is times have changed. And in some ways, not for the better.

Why are girls becoming more violent? Do you have any explanation or theory for why this is occurring? Reality T.V.? Video games?

If you’re a female, have you ever resorted to physical bullying or been bullied physically?

I’d love to hear from you.

(If you want to know why and how girls bully, check out EduGuide, a resource for parents.)

Posted by on December 20, 2011 in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , .

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December 14, 2011

When Teammates Bully

When bullying is mentioned, people think of what goes on in school hallways and on the playgrounds, or on after-school sidewalks and busses. Not everyone thinks of the after-school sports field. After all, teams are closely supervised by coaches, so there should be little opportunity for bullying. Besides, sports organizations have codes of conduct for all to follow, and coaches certainly don’t want their players bullied by their own teammates. That goes against everything team sport represents and doesn’t lend itself to team spirit. But often coaches don’t see bullying or recognize it when it happens. Kids, after all, can be subtle. Or, should I say, sneaky? But I suspect some coaches simply look the other way, especially if the target doesn’t make much of a contribution to the team.

 My son played soccer for two or three years when he was very young. He was small for his age and not particularly enamored with sports, but his father and I felt he needed the discipline that learning a sport and working as a team member would provide, even if he would never be a star athlete.

 In his final year of soccer, when he was seven or eight, he moved into a different age bracket. However, since we had held him out of school for a year before kindergarten, he no longer played with boys in his same grade. The new team consisted mostly of strangers, all bigger and a grade ahead of him.

 He tried, but his heart wasn’t in the game, especially once the pecking order fell into place—with our son at the bottom. He was in the spotlight, but the air was filled with taunts, not clapping.  

 We spoke to the coach, but he didn’t seem to think there was a problem. We approached the soccer “powers that be” and requested that our son be allowed to compete at the younger level, where his size and ability would be more appropriate. Our plea was rejected, since, if we were allowed to move our son into a lower age bracket, every parent would want their kid to “play younger” in order to provide a better chance for their child to be the star player on the team. No case-by-case consideration allowed.

 Before long, our son begged to quit. We debated. Was it wiser to leave him in soccer and let him learn that life can be cruel, but you can survive? Was that a lesson he needed to learn in his first decade? Would continuing to play teach him, that if you hang in there, things get better, especially if it’s a sport and you practice and improve? Probably not, since he was no longer interested in practicing or improving. Alternatively, would it be wise to pull him out and protect him from the cruelty of his teammates, possibly teaching him that it’s fine to cut and run when life gets tough?

 We asked our son to hang in there, but it was heartbreaking to watch his misery as he jogged up and down the field, trying his best and knowing his best was never going to be good enough for his teammates to accept him. In the end, we consulted his very wise preschool teacher, and opting for kindness, pulled him out of soccer. As older parents, we knew life would provide a heap more nasty opportunities to learn that you can get through bad times—especially if people who love you are on your side.

 I hadn’t thought about our son’s soccer misery for a long time, until I began researching bullying in sports. When I reminded him, he seemed to have forgotten. I’m grateful for that lack of memory and wish I didn’t remember it either. But I do. And I’m sure there are many other parents out there trying to help their precious, budding athletes cope with being a target for their bullying teammates.

 Parents don’t have to go it alone. There is a lot of support available on the web. A quick search of “bullying in children’s sports” will uncover sites loaded with information and advice. One helpful site is Moms Team. Check it out if your child is complaining about bullying during his or her sporting activities. Check it out even if he or she isn’t. Attend the games and keep a watchful eye. Bullies can be sneaky. And victims don’t always complain.

 (And don’t even get me started about parents who bully the referees and coaches, not to mention their own young athletes! That’s another story.)

Do you have a sports bullying story to share? I’d love to hear it.

Posted by on December 14, 2011 in Uncategorized and tagged , , , .

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December 8, 2011

Sticks and Stones

  • Jasmine McClain, 10, teased her about her clothes or her shoes, found dead in her bedroom
  • Jamey Rodemeyer, 14, bullied because of his sexuality, found dead outside his home
  • Ashlynn Conner, 10, taunted by girls at school, found hanging by a knitted scarf from the rod in her bedroom closet
  • Mitchell Willis, beaten up by a group of his peers, who also stole his iPhone, found dead
  • Justin Aaberg, 15, bullied about being gay, found hanging in his room

 A five-minute search on the internet turned up these names, children lost because other children bullied them. Could one of them have been the next Mozart? The next Feynman? The next Jobs? We’ll never know.

 The pain of being bullied clings to memory like a leech to flesh, as biting in adult life as when it first occurred. Sharing our stories can sometimes lessen the misery. That’s the goal of Bullying Stories, a site dedicated to dealing with bullying from an adult perspective. As explained by the site’s creator, Alan Eisenberg, the goal of the site is to “collect your stories and share in what I believe to be the long term effects that being bullied or being a bully has on us as adults. This isn’t the kids’ perspective, but an adult perspective on how those informative years affect how we are as adults today: our fears, our attitude, and our memories of childhood.”

 Today, I’m a guest on Bullying Stories, where I describe my experience with being bullied in fifth grade. Click on over and check it out. Learn what I had in common with Jasmine McClain. And if you have a story to tell, share it there and on this site. Together, perhaps we can force those dark memories to fade into the distant past where they belong.

Posted by on December 8, 2011 in Uncategorized and tagged , .

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December 5, 2011

Bullying Stories

I’ll be guest posting on the Bullying  Stories blog in the near future. In the post, I write about the time I was bullied in fifth grade. Even though the bullying lasted ONLY ONE DAY and was relatively mild, I still remember how it made me feel and what words were used. If such a small bullying incident can cause so much pain, I cannot imagine how children who are constantly bullied, physically and verbally, get out of bed in the morning. I do understand, however, why some of them take such drastic measures to end the misery.

If you were bullied in school, how did you force yourself to go, knowing you were giving your enemy another chance to rip out your heart and crush it?

Posted by on December 5, 2011 in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , .

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November 22, 2011

Jubilant Jig

 

Jubilant Jig

Since the product’s quality and success rests mostly on the author, self-publishing an  e-book is a challenging experience filled with potholes. I’ve stumbled into a few since this process began, but, for one glitch, I could at least blame a different party. The date of publication for Bully at Ambush Corner was listed on Amazon as January, 1991. You can read all about it, and the other little bloops that got past my eagle eye, at Daniel’s Gone, Gone, Gone!

Today, finally, I’m doing my jubilant jig, because that date has gone where Daniel went. Now my book doesn’t look two decades old. Which is good, because trying to get it corrected left me feeling two decades older.

Step! Step! Step! Step!

Posted by on November 22, 2011 in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , .

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November 17, 2011

Daniel’s Gone, Gone, Gone!

Waylong sings "She's Gone Gone Gone" (Click to hear it. It's worth it.))

Daniel said if I ever deceived him, he’d been gone before I could count ten

Well I guess that I didn’t believe him, cause look at the trouble that I’m in

Now he’s gone gone gone gone gone gone and I don’t want to bring him back!

(With apologies and thanks to Waylon)

(She’s Gone Gone Gone lyrics by Waylon Jennings is copyrighted and eLyrics.net is featuring all waylon jennings songs for non-commercial use only.)

 

In an earlier post named Eek! A Daniel!, I told how I had discovered errors in my published novel, despite painstaking proofreading and editing. Today I checked Amazon to see if the changes had been corrected. Although I couldn’t read the entire novel, I saw that the “is” that should have been “it” had been changed in the early pages, so I’m going to assume all the other typos, brain spazzes, etc., were also corrected. On Amazon at least.

Of course, we all know what it means to assume anything: ass+u+me.

Or perhaps: ass=u+me?

Right.

The date of publication, however,  was still wrong, wrong, wrong on Amazon. By 20 years! But BookBaby assured me that it would be corrected immediately.

Barnes & Noble got it right. Well, sort of. They dated it as Halloween, which is not nearly as cool a date as 11/1/11, although the cover does look sort of spooky.

Sony was the only one I found that had it absolutely correct. Way to go, Sony!

At least B & N was close. But twenty years, Amazon?  What’s up with that?

Anyway, I’m thrilled to report that Bully at Ambush Corner is now apparently available on all the various e-readers, although I do not yet know if the corrections have been made anywhere other than Amazon. So Amazon wins in the “replacing fouled-up early versions fast” department, even if they did lose in the “date of pub” department.

And don’t forget, if you have already downloaded the version that contained the typos and brain blips (Bless you with the mightiest of mighty blessings, faithful reader!), you can resync the book for free and get the absolutely perfect (I assume) version of Bully at Ambush Corner. ‘Cuz Daniel’s gone, gone gone!

 

Posted by on November 17, 2011 in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , .

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November 14, 2011

Yuck! Cooties!

“Yuck! Cooties!” I made a great show of vigorously brushing off my arms to rid myself of the imagined fleas I pretended had leaped on me when I got too near one of my fifth-grade classmates. My friends copied me and we ran away, giggling.

I attended a county school in Northern Alberta that pulled in kids from miles around. Most of the students came from farm families. My parents were not farmers, but my grandparents were, and I loved nothing more than to visit them and wander around the countryside on the barrel-backed Indian pony I’d gotten for my eighth birthday. When chores needed doing, I happily pitched in, mucking out pigpens and chicken coops, and slopping the hogs, stumbling after my grandpa with the chop-filled lard pail he had turned into a feed bucket for me. Unlike my classmates, however, I did the work because I wanted to and enjoyed it. I also knew that at the end of my visit I could slip off the yoke of farm chores and go home. Not so for some of my classmates.

My classmates came from hardworking families who were doing the best they could in a country that challenged the hardiest and sometimes won. Some were prosperous. Some, not so much. Some had no running water, making laundry and baths a challenge. There were never enough hands for all the work that needed doing. So children were rousted out of bed early enough to do chores—milking, hauling water, bringing in firewood, feeding stock, gathering eggs—before walking to meet the 7:30 a.m. school bus, often a half mile or more away and in temperatures of -40F or colder, with wind whipping snow across the icy roads.

A few never washed up or changed out of their work clothes before leaving for school. They simply came smelling like the barn and showing evidence of their labors. Those children became the targets of our derision and taunts. We pretended they harbored fleas and would scream and run away if they came too near. We’d dust ourselves off if we didn’t get away fast enough, brushing away the nonexistent pests and, symbolically, our classmates as well.

In our school, classrooms raised money with lunch-time bake sales of goodies the students brought from home. The entire student body would visit the fund-raising classroom, where the kids’ nickels and dimes could buy a slice of whatever sweet treat caught their fancy. My mother usually made angel food cake for our class sales, with chocolate icing drizzled over the top and down the sides. It sold out in the first few minutes. The kids we picked on brought lumpy burnt cookies and shiny strings of candy that looked like solidified molasses. We made gross noises and rude comments over their offerings, which sat unsold.

My bullying did not last long, and it was mild in comparison with the bullying that goes on today, but it haunts me stilI. Becoming the eventual target of some bullying myself might have instilled some empathy in me, but I can’t remember if I was bullied before or after I acted the bully. More than likely, simply growing older and more compassionate made me realize how cruel my words and actions were to children who had done nothing to deserve them. I ache at how their hearts must have curled up inside them and how hard they must have worked to stave off their tears. I do not know where they are or how their lives turned out, but I offer them my sincerest apologies for my youthful cruelty. If living well is the best revenge, I hope they have lived well.

Back in fifth grade, I wasn’t even aware I was a bully. In those days we simply called it “picking on” someone. It was treated more as a rite of passage than an act of cruelty. Today, society is finally acknowledging bullying for what it is, thanks in part to many organizations that offer support and information to the picked on and to the pickers alike.

Yesterday was the beginning of Bullying Awareness Week. Search out some organizations that seek to end bullying and learn more about them. One place to start is Bullying Awareness. There are plenty of others, some started by children who were targets themselves, such as Young Pioneers.

Sometimes all it takes to make a difference is to shine a light on a problem and bring it to public awareness.

All together now. Flashlights on!

Share: Do you have a bullying incident in your past you are ashamed to recall? Feel free to share it in the comments.

Posted by on November 14, 2011 in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , .

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November 7, 2011

Eek! A Daniel!

Eek! A Daniel!

Bully at Ambush Corner has been available for a week now, although only on Kindle. The other e-book stores apparently take weeks longer to make books available. It may surprise you to learn I’m somewhat relieved by that. The story is as follows:

I do not own any brand of e-reader. That, of course, means I cannot download my own book to gaze upon it and to bask in its perfection and beauty. So last week I got my first peek at it on the Kindle of my stellar writing buddy Edith Hope Fine. She had already begun to read the story, and as I  took her Kindle reverently into my hands and marveled at my amazing cover, she quietly leaned over and whispered, “I found a Daniel.”

 Those four words would mean nothing had you not been a participant in the process of the book’s creation and birth, as were the dynamite writers in my supportive critique group, which includes Edith. But those four words sent an icicle plunging into my heart, a heart that beats in the body of a relatively accepting, easygoing person—except where my writing is concerned. (And a few other pursuits, such as my ice curling.) In my writing, I aim for perfection. I often revise a personal letter or a blog comment ten times before turning it loose. And a query letter? Dozens! A manuscript?  Can you count higher than a googol?

When I heard the words, “I found a Daniel,” I knew immediately that I had flubbed. I had edited, proofread dozens of times, and passed the manuscript along for more proofing. And yet … And yet … I had missed a Daniel.

Daniel was the name of the main character’s best bud in Bully at Ambush Corner. At least it was, until I waved my magic writer’s wand. Presto chango! Daniel turned into Mario. I was certain I had done a search and replace, but I guess I skipped that basic step. So in six different sentences—SIX!!—the new Mario morphed into the old Daniel.

ACKKK!

This is a perfect example of getting so familiar with your material that your eyes glaze over as you read. You simply plunk in a word that isn’t there, but is supposed to be there. That also explains the “is” I quickly discovered in the first chapter that should be an “it.”

I drove home, panicked and dejected, wondering what other bloopers I might have included in my perfect baby. I spent that night and all the next day going over the manuscript line by line, if not word by word. I found a couple of other minor glitches, mostly formatting or punctuation errors. In all, a relatively clean copy—except for that darn Daniel who had reincarnated himself behind my back.

An e-mail from my wonderfully accommodating book converter/distributor, BookBaby, informed me that the errors could be corrected.

The bad news: the files have to be replaced at all the stores, which means the stores, other than Amazon, will take a few more weeks to have the corrected copy available. That shouldn’t take much longer than their original release date though.

The good news: According to BookBaby, if you have downloaded the copy containing the errors, once the revised book is available, you can resync it for free. Since I—not yet being the proud owner of an e-reader—have no clue how to do that, I’ll assume you go pressy here, clicky there and my now perfect copy of Bully at Ambush Corner will slide through the Ethernet and into your hands. Just in time for Christmas giving! Enjoy!

 Question for you: Have you published an e-book? What was the biggest flub that happened to you during your publishing experience?

Posted by on November 7, 2011 in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , .

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November 2, 2011

Bully at Ambush Corner Arrives!

Hip Hip Hooray!

Yesterday, my new e-book for middle grade readers, Bully at Ambush Corner, was to be released and available in all formats—Kindle, Nook, I-Pad, and Sony. Well, the publisher had a glitch and it didn’t happen as planned. However, last night it did appear on Amazon and is available for Kindle. Even though I’ve had eight books published, it was a thrill to see my first e-book pop up on the screen.

This has been a journey filled with anticipation and trepidation. Anticipation, because I am dipping my little piggy toe into the waters of self-publishing and hoping those waters are warm and welcoming. Trepidation, because the failure or success of an e-book rests mostly with the author and on the quality of his or her writing, editing, marketing, and promotion.

Marketing and promotion? ACK!  But authors live to WRITE, my writerly self whispers in my ear. If writers wanted to be in marketing and promotion, they would have gone into those professions right out of high school or college and would be making oodles more money than the average writer makes. Right?

Right.

And wrong.

The book world has changed. Today, even traditional publishers require authors to promote their own books. So e-book authors count on a network of friends and colleagues to help spread the word across the Internet universe. Word of mouth—the best way to create a buzz and a demand.

 Bullying is a serious topic. Although I have no expectations that my book will change lives, if it does no more than provide understanding and entertainment, I’ll be satisfied. But it won’t do even that if readers don’t know it exists. Connecting books and readers— a job made easier with the help of friends.

I offer up a heartfelt thank you to all those who helped me get Bully to this point. And thanks to those who will help readers find my e-book and perhaps give the young victims of bullying—and their tormentors—a few hours of pleasure and, perhaps, a smidgen of understanding.

Although Amazon allows you to peek inside the book and read the first chapter, to help spread the word myself I am offering a free copy of Chapter One of Bully at Ambush Corner to the first 25 people who leave a comment on this post. The chapter will be a PDF file attached to an e-mail, so be sure to include your e-mail address with your comment to receive your copy.

Posted by on November 2, 2011 in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , .

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November 1, 2011

Loud Gnashing of Teeth and Sad Sighing

Oh, woe is me!

DELAYED!

My new e-book, Bully at Ambush Corner, was scheduled to be released today and I’ve been gearing up for its launch for a few weeks now, which has meant neglecting the two novels I’m currently revising.

I woke this morning eager, excited, nervous. At last. The big day had arrived, 11/01/11, a day I had chosen for the symmetry of the date, because research told me that a load of other books were not being launched that day, and because a release day early in the week was better than a later weekday. I have no idea whether or not this latter statement is a fact. Sounded good and, gee whiz, I was going to take advantage of every opportunity, real or imagined, to make sure this baby burst into the world like a Roman Candle on the Fourth of July.

I eagerly hopped onto Amazon to get my first look at the book’s listing. So what did I find? This: Your search “bully at ambush corner” did not match any products.

Next, I checked Barnes & Noble and got this: We found 0 results for bully at ambush corner.

ARGGGGHHH!

I frantically e-mailed my digital publisher to ask what had happened. I got an immediate apology that they had neglected to send the file in on schedule. Since they have been extremely responsive and have done a great job to date, I took a few deep breaths and made a decision. I will not waste my energy turning the air blue with curses. I will, instead, choose to believe that the book is delayed because my original launch day would not have been as successful as the new one.

I know, I know. Turning cacao beans into Godiva. But one thing I have learned after living X number of years (me to know, you to find out) is to recognize what I can and can’t change, and not to waste precious moments agonizing or trying to change the outcome. So . . .

As soon as Bully at Ambush Corner appears on the store sites, I’ll be announcing it loudly and widely. Until then, you’ll have to wait patiently—or impatiently depending on your temperament—and continue to drool with anticipation for the chance to download the book to your reader. I hope your wait is a short one.

 

Posted by on November 1, 2011 in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , .

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